becoming the critic....

So, i managed to get my hands on the leak of the new Metallica record, Death Magnetic, today. I've never felt so compelled to publicly become a critic of music, as I write a fair share of my own, and I have wanted to beat a lot of ass in the past for shitty reviews. But, this record inspired me to start commenting (not too mention to check my own shit!). Well, that and Ian Robinson's review of the record. I felt i could do it better. When you spend so much time writing music and studying other people's music, you know where people slack off or really put the time in. So, here we go, track by track. You ready?

Death Magnetic (not a bad title, kind of played out, i would have expected this out of Dave Mustaine)

This Was Just Your Life: Starts off with a heartbeat. Nice throw back to Sepultura, Chaos A.D.. I gotta say, I like it better when Max and the boys did it. At least it was Max's kid's heartbeat and it meant something, and not a weak attempt to be clever. I also have to say i was pleastantly surprised NOT to hear Lars's 'trademark' snare drum we'd been tortured with on St. Anger. Hammett's solo is killer. Good to have him back on his game. It also seemed that they kind of buried Truijio's bass. Can't have him stealing Lar's thunder.

The End of the Line: I think that i wrote the intro riff when i was 14. Not sure though. It became apparent at this point on the album that the actual 'recording' is kind of lacking. There is no punch to the guitar sound, no to mention the kick drum (cause i don't want to talk a whole bunch of shit on the drums, but i will anyways later). In my opinion, this is kind of standard on Rick Rubin recordings. My main focus here was on how bad the lyrics are. Unfortunetly, they don't get better. Again, Hammett's solo is badass. He and Marty Freidman should do a Shrapnel record. That'd be sweet. I'd actually pay for that (unlike Death Magnetic, thanks Lars!).

Broken, Beat, & Scarred: are you serious? This should have been on Load. Bad lyrics, beyond lazy drumming, but apparently Hammett flexed some muscle, cause, again, his solo is pretty sweet. He seems to be the saving grace on this record.

That Day That Never Comes: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, really? That'd have been better off using the Drum Kit From Hell, and just sampling the drums. You can start to tell at this point that they picked out their favorite songs from the the first three records and tried to rewrite them. I'm guessing this was a sad attempt at Fade to Black. You can totally tell what influence Kirk had on this record. They're the only good parts. The solo is ok on this one, its hard to solo over shit. I noticed here that the guitar tone on this record is CRAP! Line 6 makes good gear James, learn how to use it!

All Nightmare Long: it seems now that Robert has as much pull as Jason did. They get two or three ideas in on a record, and that's it. After that, its James and Lars (and hopefully a little Kirk). Maybe we are spoiled now days. Lots of good drummers who understand that intensity is key. Lar's missed that boat. The drumming is so far beyond lazy, its pathetic. I think he may have had a Red Bull on the day he recorded this song, cause its the best of a bad bunch. And again, the lack of production seeps through here, and the lyrics are retarded. Solo owned. This should have been a Kirk Hammet solo album, and just had him solo everywhere there were vocals.

Cyanide: This seemed to be one of the three ideas that were obviously Robert's. Not a bad track, not a great one. This probably had a place on Puppets or Justice. Although, I'd die happy if i didn't have to hear the lyrical exhange with the words 'Suicide' and 'Die'. That's beyond played out. Not to mention retarded. Solo=owned. Kirk showed up to play but no one else did.

The Unforgiven III: This is where i will start to blame Rick Rubin. I never ever ever ever ever though in a million years I'd hear a PIANO on a Metallica song. Thanks Rick. The rest is too easy here. The song is terrible. Worse than anything on Load. Solo was sweet, but even Kirk couldn't save this piece of shit.

The Judas Kiss: Not terrible. Could've been on Justice. However, lyrics are still dumb. For the love of God, just let Kirk do it. Just let Kirk do the whole album. Give him a computer, a Tone Port, and the dfh. You'll get the best Metallica album ever written.

Suidice & Redemption: Finally!!!!! NO VOCALS!!!!! The last of Robert's ideas I'm assuming. A throw back to some old Cliff Burton instrumentals I imagine. Something is telling me they didn't play to a click track... Maybe it was a shitty guitar tone over an even worse drum sound. Who engineered this album, Lars?

My Apocalypse: A hint of Slayer here. Albiet, a small one, but its still there. Same shitty Rick Rubin recording, but the vocal delivery is great for thrash. Lyrics are, again, dumb, but the delivery made up for some of that. Solo, again, owned. If Kirk wasn't in this band, I would have expected this album to be from a young local band here in Omaha.

So, to sum up: I learned a few things by listening to this. One, Rick Rubin hires shitty engineers OR does a shit job himself. Two, Kirk really is still the shit. Three, imagine what Slayer would have sounded like with a better producer!!!!!!! Four, James's needs to stop writing the lyrics. And finally, Five, thrash metal musicians just don't age well musically. I kept thinking to myself through this whole record 'shit, Lamb of God could have done this better'. one is left to wonder, did they do this because they really felt it, or because they needed a paycheck?

I don't know, should i keep doing this? I will do it on the next Guns & Roses record, Chinese Democracy, because that is waaaaay too easy, but if you guys are in any way curious, I can do this on a regular basis. lemme know.

d