Some of you may know that before B.O.H., I was playing bass in a band called Narcotic Self. I just kind of fell into that gig, and I'm glad I did. Anyways, ultimately, I left NS to concentrate on B.O.H. full time, among some personal issues. The NS drummer joined Pro-Pain and the rest of the guys scattered a bit. I got a phone call last week that everyone is going to be around during the month of May, and they wanted to do a few shows. I thought about it, and figured it'd be fun to do a show with my old band and my new band, so on May 22nd at the Waiting Room in Omaha, Narcotic Self and Black on High will play together, and I get to do 2 sets! I'm pretty excited about that. Almost like a changing of the guard in my head for me. If that makes any sense. And I'll be honest, the circumstances surrounding my leaving NS weren't the best, and I figured this would be a good way to try and make it up to those guys. We played God knows how many shows together, and it'll be nice to relive the past for a quick minute. They were my brothers for 2+ years. I have the utmost respect for all of those guys. They are some of the most hardcore musicians I've ever worked with in my life, and I'm a better musician because of it (and I'm positive i never said it before, but Doug, Jesse, and Rick, thank you...). I took what I learned in NS and applied it to B.O.H. and I think we are stronger because of it. So, maybe going back for a minute will push B.O.H. that much further ahead, we shall see i suppose. A lot of people ask me 'why did you leave Narcotic?' Ultimately, NS was not my music. It wasn't me. The only thing I could really do was go through the motions. Not by choice really,that was just kind of the situation. I really wish I could have contributed more, and I'm sure I could have looking back, but I didn't feel I could at the time. B.O.H. is me. It is my heart and soul defined. And I get to play with my best friends. Its the band that I have been wanting to be in for 15 years. That's half my life (as i'm turning 30 in August...get your jokes in now...). In every band i have ever been in the ultimate goal was the mythical 'record deal'. Watching bands who are much younger than me with deals and touring, it got to be depressing. But, you know what I realized? You can't shine shit. Yea, it has a certain gloss to it and you can sell it, but it quickly fades away. It dissolves into nothing. It fertilizes the growth of others. Shows them what not to do and what not to sound like. Let's call it shitsmoke (cause i think that's a funny word). Now, much to my dismay, i realize that back then the focus wasn't on the music (in DS anyways), where it should have been. In B.O.H. the music is #1, it has been since day 1. I'm doing things now that I'd never have dreamed of doing in Downshift or NS. I'm pushing myself. There's an amazing amount of musical and personal growth that has happened and is happening for me by being in this band, and you know what? That means more to me than a record deal or a cool tour or whatever. Nothing against the goals of the past or mistakes I've watched people make over the years (including me). Good music is good music, and we are artists. Artists are destined to starve. Maybe that's financially, maybe its a lack of fulfillment or purpose, maybe its really 'starving' because you don't eat, whatever. Starving in some way. It creates a want, a need, and a desire to say something and create. When you boil that down, we are slaves to ourselves and servents to our audience. We didn't ask for this. We were given it. It was a gift. I will gladly starve for this. I was recently asked in an interview "how far are you willing to take this?" hmmmm. Kind of a loaded question. The answer I gave kind of sums all this up. I told him "we don't do this because its cool or its a hobby, we do this because we are compelled to, and if we didn't we would be robbing every human on planet Earth of this thing inside of us. Not to mention be miserable."
Show went good tonight. Good bands, good people. We were tight and powerfull I thought. Yet another night I'm proud as hell to be in this band.
d
